I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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