toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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