Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
