Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.