can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK