I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".