you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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