Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I could teleport
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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