then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
