There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
