you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize