I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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