I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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