Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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