I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
