I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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