We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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