Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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