No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
