i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
