I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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