remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
