Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
