i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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