people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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