He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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