Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
