If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
