ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
