I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize