New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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