Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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