ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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