Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
