today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
