Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
