wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
