I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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