I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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