you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
