and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
