I wish you could order shots online.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
