i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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