I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
