woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
