Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just found puke in my bra..
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
