saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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