I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
