but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
