Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
