she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
