think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
