The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
