someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
