you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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