I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
