She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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