my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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