oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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