The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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