well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
