I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
