I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is wine microwaveable?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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