I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
