Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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