lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everclear isn't food dammit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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