i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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